Monday, March 09, 2009

Little Boys ARE DIRTY!!

My adorable, cute, sweet loving 3 1/2 year old is more CURIOUS than a CAT, and DIRTIER than a ......well, you get the picture.

As my little sweetheart wakes up "stinky" he stealthily gets himself dressed and changed and comes downstairs. Perplexed by his efficiency, I go upstairs to find not just the stinky diaper on the floor, but ALSO poo on the floor. I THEN find the scarves and gloves that we currently keep in his closet each have some poo on them. HE HAS BEEN WIPING HIS BUM WITH OUR WINTER GEAR!!!

GAG ME!!

As I go about my day, I find two cars in his little potty - sitting in urine. Seriously, what is it with him and his excrements?

I go upstairs before getting Brooke off the bus to make sure he is in his bed for his nap. I find a willowly, flowly, snakelike SEA OF TOILET PAPER cascading down the hallway and in big fluffy PILES in the bathroom. I have precisely 4 minutes until I have to meet Brooke on the corner. I am rerolling the toilet paper at blister-producing speed to get it wound back on the roll, adreneline pumping and sweat beading up on my furrowed brow.

Tyler gets a nice firm SPANK. Yes, I DO occasionally spank my children - and THIS is one of those times.

When he is safely in his nap I go check on the downstairs bathroom and find a big pile of CEREAL on the bathroom floor right by Tyler's little potty. HUH? I then notice a little cereal trail through the bathroom, on through the dining room, and into the pantry when cereal is found strewn about in little piles resting on each shelf until I find the UPTURNED cereal box.

Its like I am on some sort of sadistical Easter Egg Hunt just waiting to see what other horrible presents Tyler has left me.

I go up to my room to relax for a minute and go on the computer. But I cannot rest because all my good SCRAPBOOKING MARKERS AND SCISSORS are all strewn about, the CAPS are all off (SOUND THE MONEY ALARM, there is NO way I am buying new ones!) as well as some UNMENTIONABLES taken out of drawers. AHHH!

Then I go to put the mail on the desk and step on something sharp. I step backwards - OUCH!! THUMBTACKS EVERYWHERE on the ground. Then I see good ART chalk on the ground, then Markers, then GLUESTICKS....and a dislodged DRAWER of the desk upturned.

STEAM BILLOWS A HIGH SPEEDS OUT MY EARS.

I go to retrieve some of the rechargeable batteries that we use for our wireless keyboard and, OF COURSE, they are ALL MISSING. CRAP!! But my 2nd child, Tyler, WHOM I LOVE, is sleeping LIKE AN ANGEL. How is this possible, when he has been so good at creating CHAOS?

I think to myself on days like these - I just can't deal with any more poo, or accidents, or spilled food, or missing batteries, and I KNOW, I just KNOW, that I will LAUGH about this tomorrow!!!

3 comments:

Tami H. said...

Hmmmmm , sounds like the return of Hurrican Wayne. It may take more than one day to laugh about all that. I am extremely exhausted just reading about those messes. I have a hard time cleaning up after myself.

Lehikoinens said...

I am so laughing right now... but I truly do feel sorry for you. Poop? Thats just wrong!! I have a feeling I have many many of these stories to come. Then... you can laugh at me!

Anonymous said...

Did he inherit these "qualities" from me? I guess only my mom would know.

Brian